failures

Messing up is apart of life. Many people mess-up or make mistakes; they blow things; drop the ball; and fail. And for many this failure isn't fun. I know that I read in leadership book after inspirational book after every-single book you could image and it is all saying the same thing about failing; "it's a good thing to fail." You get to learn from your mistakes and make yourself stronger from it. 

I always thought that was funny; cool almost! So, I decided that I wanted to fail at some point in my life to have that learning moment just so I could say that the books were true and well written because the principles in them were TRUE (and I knew about it first hand!). Well I experienced that failure today. Long story- I made a graphic (sort of; more like a lay out) and I didn't see that I had made a mistake on some of the cards. I ended up getting to fix it. But I was freaking out about it. Why was I freaking out so much?

I was freaking out so much because I am- not afraid of failure- afraid of disappointment. I hate disappointing people! I hate being that person that just makes someone cringe because every time they think of me they wish that I would have turned out better than I did. I can remember after I graduated from high school, I asked the Administrator of the school if I could speak to the teachers in their year end meeting. She said that I could; so I took that opportunity to do so. I told my teachers (I went to a very small school) from 1st -12th grade that I was grateful for what they had done for me. They taught me; mentored me; listened to me; had faith in me; and challenged me to become a better person than I was. Therefore, I wanted to make it known to them that the effort that they had spent on me and on the students that they have now is not done in vain. I said that wherever I went I would make sure that people knew I came from Calvary (that's the school) because I would act in such a way that would make them proud. I wouldn't necessarily say- "hey, I went to Calvary Academy." However, my life would speak for me that I was brought up by the Best of the Best!

I want to live my life to where those words that I said aren't just mere words, but that they are the words that I bind myself to for the rest of my life. The words that make me into a better person because I don't want to disappoint some of the people that I most love and respect in the whole world. Why do I work so hard? Because I want their legacy to live through me. But every time I fail; every time I give up; every time I give in to the enemy; every time I put someone down; every time I let go of the person I was I disappoint those people. But not only that, I also let my Heavenly Father down. I "wind-mill kick Him in the face" per say. That is what I think as far as failure goes. Is this wrong for me to think or is it a healthy way to view failure and life?

I don't know. But as I grow in Christ and as I hopefully grow in my relationships with people then I will try to find out.